I realised that the black background and white font was starting to hurt my eyes. So i decided to change =)

Ifs and Goodbyes

With job applications and studying and elective and everything else going on, it gets quite overwhelming some times, especially when i think of them all at once. I think it's worst when my mind, in the middle of lecture, shifts and thinks of another issue like "Oh, i need to remember to.. " It's super annoying and extremely distracting. I need another week off!!

Ok. Breathe.

Been listening to Nad's Hillsongs United "Look To You" CD. It's calming. It is. All i need is You, Lord.

I'm excited. With Lifegroups and prayer meetings and just the excitement of getting our elective together. It's gonna get busier and therefore i'm setting aside a stash of adrenaline to keep me going already. A time to be stretched and moments like these, i really just cant keep all my thoughts and emotions inside. I'd either explode or revert into a quiet mousey existence. But isnt life like that at times? I'm glad God doesnt change. He is the anchor that holds my ship even when i dont want to be held steady.

I have all these hopes and dreams and at this very moment, they look like a distant cloud away. I want to hold and grasp them, but i cant. My fingers slip right through. Then i remember Proverbs "A man plans his ways but the Lord directs his steps." I can only bow my head in obedience and walk beside the One who loves me. I wonder where i will be next year. I do not doubt that He will provide the job where He wants me to be, where i can grow, where my next mission and ministry is. I have all these questions i want answered.

Wait.

And so i do. I dont want to rush against His timing. But is it wrong to pray to know sooner? I look at my flatmates. Moments when we laugh or just talk. Having fellowship over dinner. And i this stirring in my heart says "I want to be here. I want to be with these people." This is my 4th year flatting, and honestly, i cannot thank God enough for the flatmates that He has blessed me so richly with. I look at the people around me, my lifegroup (now knowing how silly i look playing DDR. Hee =P), swimming on Saturday mornings with Kev, Josh and Ruth, homegroup and the familiarity of places and the feeling of just being at home. My second home. I look around me and i tell God, "Lord, i dont want to go away. But Your will be done."

I cannot help but psychologically and emotionally prepare myself to leave this place and the people that i have come to call Home. That i now call Family.