thoughts

I always tell myself that i'm no good at writing blog entries... that i dont have the vocab nor the ideas to interest people that read. But after thinking for a bit, i am brought back to the reason why i started blogging. Not to impress or necessarily entertain anyone, but more as a journal of life. So that friends that i dont email can catch a glimpse of what happens here in my life. Hopefully some of the things blogged will encourage friends and family, some of the pictures will serve as imprints of memories embedded in my mind, just a way to express how i feel and think.. footprints that never wash away as the tide comes in.. in my memory.. forever footprints.

There are times when i read a friend's blog and think to myself "I was there.." knowing what they went through, the roller coaster of emotions. And yet there are often times when i read another blog and think to myself "Gosh.. i didnt realise that they were going through that.." or "I wish i could help.. i wonder if they would share that with me, would trust me enough to let me know.." Then again, it's not just purely about trusting, is it? I find it hard to tell everyone that i trust everything. A few friends that i would feel ok sitting down on the floor and just bawling my eyes out, knowing that i can be so vulnerable. How do we choose who to tell things to?

I feel sad knowing you're leaving. Knowing i'll be leaving too. It became more complicated than i thought. Lasted too long than either of us would have liked it to. It has been a blessing to have you in my life. Maybe next time? I'm afraid to make promises i am not sure i can keep, but one day i know God will lead you to her. I guess now i truly know what it means when they say to love is to let go. I'm sorry. I cannot say sorry enough.. It'll be interesting to see what happens. I have to stop dwelling on what may be and move on to what's ahead. Need a clear vision.. need to pray for one.

To you. Mum always tells me of the paths that we choose and how it will affect more than just us, but those around us. I truly have loved you, sorry if i didnt express it in the way that you understood. You have been a sister to me and i will always cherish the times we spent together. I wish i could promise you that one day your prince charming will come, but i know the only person who can do that for you and me is Him. His plan is supreme and it takes me a while to get my head around it. So often i try to take things into my hands, and like what Ross Pickworth said this morning, the words of the songs that i sing do not reflect what my actions say about my heart. Mumble talks about his heartsong... your heartsong is beautiful. I can assure you that. We are both young *ahem* though you a few years younger than i. I'm sorry if i have wronged you in any way, words and or actions. Thank you for everything that you've done. Your contagious laughter and your youthfulness. It makes me feel a few years younger :)

But then again, Jesus said share...

Two more days to go!!! Pray everything is settled smoothly and that i am not called up after i've left.

Dear Prince Charming, I pray your day's good today. I told Mum i want a minimum of 2 kids and a maximum of 3 (No more oh!). So that all can fit into a 5-seater car. :) Must ok? Hehe.. Love you.