Courtesy of Ben C's email:

It was the year 2004, and God came unto Noah once more, who was now living peacefully in retirement in New Zealand, and said: "Once again the earth has become wicked and over populated with good for nothings, and I see the end of all flesh before me. Build another ark and save two of every animal and a few good human beings." he gave Noah blueprints, saying "you have 6 months tobuild the Ark before I will start the unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard, but alas - no ark. "Noah!" he roared, "I'm about to start the rain! Where is the ark?"

"Forgive me Lord!" begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a building permit. I've been arguing with the Inspector about the need for a sprinkler system. My neighbours claim that I have violated the neighbourhood zoning laws by building the ark in my yard, and exceeding the height limitations. They also said the sound of the ark being built would be too loud. We had to go to the planning appeal board to get a decision. Then the Transport Department and Power co demanded a bond be posted for future costs of moving power,trolley and other overhead obstructions to clear a passage for the ark's move to the sea. I argued that the sea would be coming to us, but no one believed me.

Getting the wood was another problem. There is a ban on cutting the local trees in order to save the Kiwi bird. I tried to convince the environmentalists that I needed the wood to save the kiwi in the first place.But no go! When I started gathering the animals, I got sued by an animal rights group. They insisted I was confining innocent wild animals against their will. As well,they argued that the accommodation was too restrictive and that it was cruel and inhumane to put so many animals in one area. I tried to say it was more cruel and inhumane to let them die in a massive flood, but they would hear nothing of it.

Then Environmental Affairs ruled that i couldn't build the Ark until they'd conducted an environmental impact on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint to the Human Rights Commission on how many previously disadvantaged and non-white people i'm supposed to employ for a socio-economically balanced building team.

Also, the trade unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I can only hire union affiliated workers with ark-building experience. Before I had even employed them, they were picketing for a pay rise. To make matters worse, the Customs and Inland Revenue seized all my assets claiming that I'm trying to leave the country with endangered species and have been avoiding tax as a result of my supposed ark building business. So forgive me Lord, but it's going to take at least another ten years for me to finish this Ark."

All of a sudden the sky cleared, the sun began to shine and a rainbow stretched across the sky. Noah looked up in wonder and asked: "You mean you aren'tgoing to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord. "THE NEW ZEALAND GOVERNMENT BEAT ME TO IT."